Taking back the night.

Yes, that’s what I’m going to do. Take back MY night. Take back my favourite time of day, take back the moon, take back the stars, give back the fear that no longer serves me.

After my meeting with Derrick tonight, I feel inspired and excited and invigorated!! I travel outside and sit on the bench across the street, noticing all of the wonderful things that I miss about nighttime; the orange coloured clouds against the inky sky; the wind blowing my hair inconveniently across my face; the rustle of a tent zipper in the bushes behind the public washroom, as some temporarily disgraced soul sets up camp for a long cold night outside. I wonder if the faint waft of scent is a cigar or crack- I then realize I don’t know what crack smells like and laugh out loud! Such a drama queen J

I notice the criss-crossing bike paths in the field of grass between me and the beach. The green light from the lighthouse blinks predictably and I try to time it so that I blink with it, in unison. No, doesn’t work. I also try to fix my eyes on the spot the light flashes, to see if I can hold my gaze until it flashes again- I can never quite get it! There’s only one star poking its way through the clouds, which both annoys me and amuses me at the same time. Of all the nights for no stars, it would be THIS night, the night I’ve decided to take back, to start my journey. Then I realize it’s not ‘no stars’, it’s ONE star.

A solo star, like me. I was just explaining this to Derrick! What I love about the night, what I long for and crave when I imagine the darkness; solitude. To be alone, but connected with everything around me- sans distraction. Vivid colours, shadows, smells and curious sounds peppering the dark that inevitably comes every night. Little animals, creatures that normally appear only in storybooks or in black light exhibits at the zoo. I can hear them, can’t see them, but they see me and I find that just oh-so-amazing. Streetlights keep them at bay but I imagine that if they turned off, burnt out, it would be a most incredible version of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’.

Nighty-night :)

My goal:

To take back the night, my night.

To recover from my fear of being unsafe walking at night.

To move forward from assault.

To rediscover all the magical, incredible, gasp-inducing things that I love and miss about the night :)

I also want to share my story, my thoughts, my journey.

With other women.

Men.

Possums.

Hermits.

And anyone else who has not felt safe to walk alone at night.

To explore all of what is perfect and joyful about nighttime….